You work out of a Hotel?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
