Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
