remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
