just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
