worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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