Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
