Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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