anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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