Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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