If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.