the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.