i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
