I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
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party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"