We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
