Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.

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  (864): The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/rxu2
  Replies (21) Good night (2719) Bad night (657)
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  (562): View more from California

  We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.

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  (562): We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went. http://tfl.nu/2aw8
  Replies (25) Good night (5344) Bad night (1230)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

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  (270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa
  Replies (43) Good night (9276) Bad night (2343)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  that would be two times in a week with two different guys.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?

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  (816): that would be two times in a week with two different guys. (913): they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right? http://tfl.nu/b8ql
  Replies (21) Good night (4116) Bad night (1122)
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  (760): View more from California

  I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog

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  (760): I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog http://tfl.nu/x4z4
  Replies (10) Good night (4034) Bad night (1150)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.

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  (403): Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train. http://tfl.nu/xn8k
  Replies (16) Good night (1056) Bad night (3068)
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  (818): View more from California

  I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.

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  (818): I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself. http://tfl.nu/m9u0
  Replies (6) Good night (2207) Bad night (957)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor

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  (250): You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor http://tfl.nu/35l1
  Replies (2) Good night (1831) Bad night (761)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"

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  (513): I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem" http://tfl.nu/bkek
  Replies (4) Good night (1954) Bad night (760)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.

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  (254): By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook. http://tfl.nu/9v3n
  Replies (8) Good night (1965) Bad night (534)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?

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  (815): I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/jgbm
  Replies (10) Good night (715) Bad night (1132)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.

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  (757): Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today. http://tfl.nu/c0a7
  Replies (7) Good night (625) Bad night (1607)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.

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  (541): He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans (503): Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants. http://tfl.nu/h1iw
  Replies (7) Good night (1357) Bad night (371)
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  (650): View more from California

  I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?

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  (650): I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex? http://tfl.nu/x3xg
  Replies (9) Good night (600) Bad night (186)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The paramedics were not my fault this time.

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  (832): The paramedics were not my fault this time. http://tfl.nu/w1jf
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (235)

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