life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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