He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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