I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
