You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I party with great urgency now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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