I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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