I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
