okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
