and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
