so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
