dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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