my phone needs a breathalizer
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
