I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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