My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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