the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just pee around me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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