Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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