I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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