This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
