Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
