i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
