I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
