I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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