Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
