I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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