If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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