Sober January is a disaster.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
