she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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