can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
