My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
