I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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