Your face is a jimmy john
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
