I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
