well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize