She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
