my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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