worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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