If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
