nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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