"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
