In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
