We won't sleep together?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky