it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.