I cannot find my penis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
