3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize