If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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