Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
