btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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