Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
