I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
