How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
