i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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