I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
