I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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