that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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