I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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