Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
