I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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