that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
