So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
