just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
