What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
