Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize