So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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