Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
